Entity (2012)

A small team of ghost hunters head into the Russian outback to investigate an unsolved mass grave.  Another 'found footage' hybrid with more traditional filming methods. In addition to all my usual gripes about this kind of movie they add the ever annoying crappy sound mixing so some of the dialogue is near impossible to hear so you turn it up then they throw a pan at the mic as a cheap method of 'gotcha-ism'.  Seriously people if you are supposed to be 'ghost hunters' and a ghost you can apparently see is kicking your ass, show the audience the damn ghost instead of someone's leaky nostril (or anything else for that matter).  On the positive side the back story is above average (still cliched but not much isn't these days), some scenes do create good tension and atmosphere, and the score is hauntingly beautiful. If you are a big fan of 'reality' ghost hunter shows this may tickle your fancy.  Luke warm oatmeal with 3 raisins and no brown sugar.

The Frankenstein Theory (2013)

The great great great grand nephew (or something) of Dr Frankenstein (Venkenheim) seeks to find the monster and validate a pile of family heirlooms he has that have convinced him the creature actually exists. This is another 'found footage' style movie that also employs traditional camera work to help viewers with motion sickness.  In many ways this movie reminded me of  Trollhunter (2010) but with no big creature FX, steadier characters and a clearer plotline. I found the story idea very compelling and the lead player very convincing in his portrayal of a driven and single minded scientist excommunicato. There is a scene that was lifted straight out of Jaws (for which I hold no animus, it was a great scene) and some mindless filler, but over all the movie moves along at the same relaxed pace throughout.  I was a little disappointed with some of the cheats, maybe its just me but one in particular, when I saw the prop I immediately caught the implication, something in my opinion the expert should have recognized as well.  It also brings back some of the worst of Blair Witch but its relatively short lived. I do want to give a nod to the resident meth-head, a small but very convincing role, well done! Overall I was fairly entertained (something I gauge by whether I'm willing to pause if I have to move from sight of the screen) but this isn't steak by any means, more like a mystery meat that doesn't taste bad but is a little chewier than it should be.

Scavengers (2013) [Space Soldiers]

A small group of freelancers seek to unlock the secrets of a powerful piece of alien tech while being pursued by an enemy bent on revenge. The influence of Serenity is hard to miss, even down to some character likenesses and a bar scene of ass kicking, as well as elements from Heavy Metal 2000 and one scene from Galaxy Quest. If you decide to give this one a look go into it expecting something you would see on SyFy (why the hell did they change their moniker? So Ghetto now), or a film project of a friends brother's cousin.  The CGI is crude, the dialogue stilted, and the screen FX marginal at best.  All that aside if you are a space nerd who faithfully never missed an episode of Space: 1999, there are things to like about this. Some of the space combat is cool (sort of looks like an old console game clip), the control areas are not graphics intensive (perhaps a necessary evil instead of a planned one, but space ships will look like submarines, not HD porn videos.. the Star Trek view screen is agonizing), and it has a great ending. Keys for enjoying this are low expectations and a willingness to let the story carry you. If this is the guy's first effort I would say he has a promising career ahead.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

A trio of journalists pull from the crank file and decide to investigate a classified ad seeking a companion for time travel.  I read that the budget for this film was 750K, while it definitely has an indie 'feel' it never seems to be lacking production wise. The dialogue flows well and witty, delivery is good. Solid and compelling story, with a memorable if not entirely unpredictable finish. More comedy/drama-ish than sci-fi and despite the subject matter the pieces come together very well. Easy viewing but not entirely mindless.  Recommended.

The Call (2013)

I'm trying to come up with my typical one line intro and its just not working here... the premise is a 911 person winds up on a call with the same murderer that caused her to stop taking calls at some point in the past (but not that long ago).  Okay I am not a Halle Berry fan AT ALL, I have no idea why this woman is relevant at all... now combine her having face time for the majority of this movie along with the worst aspects of The Silence of the Lambs in what comes across as a hand me down rewash of Pelham 123 (I guess it was too soon for a 3rd remake), a 12 second nod to Blowout (remember that DePalma classic?) and a sobbing hysterical teenage girl blubbering into a cell phone and you have this movie. They throw in some filler (that goes nowhere) but it doesn't help much, this movie is thin thin thin. Now it does create some tension, production value is good, and they throw on a nice finale'(everybody clap), but for me it was too stale, too cliched and way too thin to have to endure that much Berry.  However if you are a fan of the Panic Room style face time movies you may want to see it. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Java Heat 2013

An American marine bent on avenging the death of his brother winds up in Indonesia (Java) hunting for an international bad ass.  This is a pretty run of the mill action adventure movie featuring the rash young hot blood and the wise old veteran being compelled to team up to put an end to a rather haggard looking Mickey Rourke with possibly the worst French accent on the planet.  Plenty of shit getting broken, some eye candy for the ladies, car chases with some of the lamest vehicles made, plenty of gunfire that never seems to hit anyone.. but like I said, about the norm for this kind of off the shelf offering.  Its not painful but its not memorable either.  I think the film crew got paid in travel vouchers.

John Dies at the End (2012)

An unlikely pair of dropouts get thrust into the world of the supernatural weird and find themselves in an inter-dimensional war.  This is a rather cool movie that watches like a combo of Dr Who, Spun, and Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer.  Our unlikely pair of heroes traverse time, space, dimension, and sanity to battle the forces of over sized insects, animated lunch meats  and maniacal aliens bent on world domination. Clever writing and identifiable characters help propel this one along as things get weirder and more twisted.  The semi narration style made popular in Zombieland is well used. If you enjoy the comedy/horror genre flavored with sci-fi, this one serves it up well.  Recommended.

Germ Z (2013)

A satellite jumping with space cooties falls from orbit near a small rural community.  This is kind of a bloodier and more humorous retelling of 28 Days Later with a few twists. It starts in a slow B movie fashion but once it ramps up it goes full tilt right up to the end credits. If you refrain from nitpicking things (like the soldier who supposedly has a broken leg and the ever annoying screaming hysterical woman who is blubbering and thrashing about like a spoiled child.. I have a word for people like this... bait!) you may find much to like with this offering (like 'zombie' lifespans.. the method the infection uses to drive the people to flesh-eating madness is pretty cool/funny).

Stand Off (2011) [Whole Lotta Sole]

A debt to the local gangster leads to a botched robbery and a whole lotta secrets coming to light.  This is a cute, family friendly, bad guy makes good sort of movie driven by characters who find that control over their lives have slipped away. Fairly light and upbeat with a UK flavor. Nice easy entertainment with understated humor.

V/H/S (2012)

Using the premise of some thieves ripping off VHS cassettes from the house of a dead man, several stories are told. I am not a big fan of 'lost footage' movies.. I understand why people make them, but for me the production value tends to be crappier than I want to subject myself to and the players play to the camera far too much for me to enjoy (the endless screaming 'wtf was that!' referring to something you never get to see and the endlessly out of focus and rapid sweeps just make my brain scream for mercy). While this has all those faults in varying degrees, the fact that its several shorter stories with different casts and camera dynamics helped me get through this one with a more positive overall impression. Things move fairly slow however, so you really only need to see about 5 or 6 minutes of each segment to get the gist of whats going on. Another one for the late late late night cable viewer.

A Little Bit Zombie (2012)

After being chomped by a zombie blood engorged mosquito, groom to be Steve finds himself craving brains!  This is a rather light hearted offering chock full of spoofs, humorous flash scenes, double entendre, sexual innuendo, sight gags, and homage to other popular comedy classics (even Ash gets a nod). One of the highlights is a trip to the local butcher to buy brains! Throw in a couple zombie hunters and a comic book style delivery and you have this movie. Not exactly laugh out loud funny it does have its moments. A Heavy Metal soundtrack and tactical bacon round things out. Something a little different to massage the old funny bone.

Beautiful Creatures (2013)

Her family name makes her the pariah in a small religious country town, who have little idea how right their gossip is. Think Twilight but with witches instead of vampires. The supporting characters are colorful and there is a bevy of cool FX to appreciate. The female lead is still a Lego however, while the southern drawl of the male lead is forgotten here and there. I imagine this will appeal to a younger teen crowd (overly idealized notions of love, etc.), but over all its family friendly.  The southern lifestyle is heavily stereotyped so you may find something to laugh at along the way.

A Resurrection (2013)

The overly medicated weird kid of the school starts telling of the return of his dead brother from the grave, complete with pictures!  I wasn't expecting much going into this one but it delivered a bit better than I was expecting. Kind of a smart medium budget thriller without too much in the way of annoying useless characters or unnecessary and excessive screaming or the ever pitiful sobbing 'what are we going to do'.  The story line itself is nothing new, the time honored curse from beyond the grave thing, but well played. Nothing says Santeria quite like an old lady smoking a cigar the size hoagie.  While its not going to win any awards it may be worth a viewing when it shows up on cable. Its not scary so much as a scary story. One of the last roles of the esteemed Michael Clarke Duncan.

Territories (2010)

A group of Americans coming over the border from Canada are abducted by a couple nut-jobs convinced they are terrorists. This vision by virgin director Olivier Abbou is a French funded English language film shot in Canada. This is a new twist on the hillbilly horror story in that it in infused with leftist political propaganda aimed at American POW policy vis-a-vis Gitmo (Guantanamo Bay Naval Base). The movie itself isn't bad for what it is but they beat on the America is a bunch of hillbilly racist xenophobes drum enough that it stains what would otherwise be a fairly decent inbred backwoods thriller.

Piggy (2012)

When a meek fellow's brother is murdered by a gang of hoodlums he is taken under the wing of 'Piggy' who claims to be an old friend.  This is a fairly standard UK revenge movie with a little twist on the end for good measure.  Please completely disregard any review you see that compares this to A Clockwork Orange, this movie couldn't carry a single one of their ample jocks. So you have a revenge story line, some murders and violence, and a scared young wanker becoming a killer... that about sums it up. I wouldn't go looking for this unless you are a connoisseur of the UK hoodlum genre.

The Master (2012)

An unfocused drifter becomes a close associate of a man with too much focus via a shared love of bathtub hooch. This one is pure thick drama. Entirely character driven it seeks to explore the machinations of two men who seem at face value to be polar opposites but share more traits than either would like to admit. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the leader/founder of a new way of viewing mankind and social interaction (being compared by some as Scientology.. while I also got that impression they never call it that and I don't know enough about it to make a ruling). Basically the movie goes from a moderate calm introspection scene to one of conflict (mostly screaming) and then back again, and this cycle continues pretty much the whole movie. While I was intrigued enough to watch to see where the story would eventually lead I was a little miffed at the rather inconclusive conclusion. For me it was excessive wrapping on a peanut and overall came across more like a psychology lecture than entertainment.

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

The story of how the wizard came to Oz. Sam Rami serves up an offering that is in many ways comparable to Tim Burton's offering of Alice in Wonderland, while not quite as visual or loud, it has the same overall feel while being a little more clever. I actually thought it was Burton initially but the appearance of Bruce Campbell sent that notion to its grave. The film itself is standard Disney. A solid production value with good FX, moving story line, good tempo, and yet another top shelf villain with the origin of the Wicked Witch (a role Mila Kunis clearly reveled in), seriously scary flying baboons and a warm fuzzy tacked on the end.  So a little history on a great classic along with the knowledge that all the crap that gets sucked up in Kansas apparently wind up in Oz.

Shadow People (2012)

A radio host stumbles into evidence that people are being killed in their sleep by 'shadow people'.  This is one of those movies presented as 'based on actual events' although which events are anybodies guess. Using a combo of 'actual' footage, found footage, and traditional camera work the movie sets up a nice creepy foundation about a third of the way into the movie. Anyone who is familiar with the term 'ugger mugger' will be experiencing a nice layer of goose pimples by this point aided by some pretty cool set-ups. Unfortunately the movie fails to follow through, in part bogged down by a heinous cunt of an ex wife, but largely by going off into a quasi mental placebo direction after all the rather slow build-up. So was it a total waste of time? No, I have sat through much worse, though I was a bit disappointed.  This may make a good Redbox pick if you have seen everything else and you want something that will warm you up then pull out and go home without a word.

Brazil (1985)

*TOP 10 ALERT*
In a world overrun by bureaucracy, a clerical error spells the ruin of a man slowly falling into madness. I have made so many references to this movie I thought I should go ahead and add a review for it. First off this isn't going to appeal to everybody, if you were confused by Pulp Fiction this one will blow your head apart. Think of this as 1984 done by Monty Python. Dry British style humor is often juxtaposed suddenly to the absurd against a backdrop of mind numbing bureaucratic red tape and police state overreaction. Things continue to unravel and the line between real and fantasy more and more imperceptible until... well, you will just have to watch the movie for that. Surprise cameo included.                        Highly Recommended.   

Cold Fish (2010)

A local business man finds an unlikely benefactor to help him with his troubled family. This is a weird little twisty that does a good job of dropping clues that all is not what it seems right up to the point they drop the hammer, then things really get twisted. I don't want to give too much away so when they drop the bomb it will hit you the same way it hit me. I don't know what I was expecting when I viewed this but it wasn't anything like what happened. Kind of a cross between a more intelligent version of Ichi the Killer and a less brutal version of I Saw the Devil, although it bares little resemblance to either.  This also may explain why nishikigoi are so fat and friendly. 

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

When a corporate fast food chain builds a restaurant on an old Indian burial ground in Tromaville you just know it doesn't bode well. After seeing Fathers Day I have been keeping my eye out for more from the boys at Troma. The best way to describe their style from what I've seen so far is a mix of early Peter Jackson (Dead Alive, Bad Taste) and the wit and satire of  Trey Parker and Matt Stone (South Park). This is a musical of sorts that beats the stereotype style of humor with a sledge hammer. There is nothing subtle in this movie with a triple helping of anything they can make gratuitous. Nudity, violence, gore, vulgarity, vileness  and just plain nasty are all found in great supply. This is not the kind of movie you want to see if you want refinement or anything you can talk about in public. While not on par with Fathers Day this was a sick ass laugh fest that left no sacred cow unsodomized. Seriously if people catch you watching this it might cost you some 'friends'.

Love Bite (2012)

A group of young blokes trying to get laid have no idea they are being hunted by something hairier than they would care for.  A little treat from the UK this fairly juvenile comedy has plenty of gags, nearly all of them about sex or parts involved in it, and flashes of young flesh. This is sort of a Porky's meets Once Bitten, but werewolves instead of vampires. If you remember Once Bitten it was the fact Jim Carrey's character was a virgin that propelled the story, same thing here. Critter FX are better than adequate and they throw a very memorable surprise ending on it that leaves the possibility of a sequel wide open. If you are used to UK offerings you will find this well within the comfort zone, if you aren't you will get a moderately funny T&A grabfest with a big hairy monster in it.

Sinister (2012)

An author moves into the house of a murder victim to write about the crime but soon uncovers more than he bargained for. Like many of these movies the set-up is creepier than the finale', and this one is no different, but it does have a nice, though not unexpected, twist on the end. Fairly chilling (the way I like it) with a couple 'gotcha's thrown in to make you jump. Overall the movie is a fairly effective horror with a lack of dumb ass to ruin things (a nice change). Once you get to a certain point however the way the movie will end becomes clear, the only thing that stays up in the air until the very end is how its going to happen. Overall a delicious spook, one that should do a fair job of scaring a turd out of you especially if you are a casual movie goer.

Identity Thief (2013)

After having his identity stolen an upwardly mobile white collar financier has to hobnob with the little people to get it back.  I guess I am just going to have to accept that this kind of movie is the future of comedy. Sure it has some funny parts, mostly physical bits, but by and large its a lukewarm feel good offering. Jason Bateman plays 'the sucker' (aka Sandy Patterson) which is really just a reprise of his character from Hancock (2008). I don't know how long he will be able to ride the success of Office Space but its not going to happen with movies like this one. What you get is a 'good guy wins in the end' with a 'I'm okay, you're okay' fuzzy finish. This is a nice, safe, non-challenging, not very memorable movie that you will watch, like well enough, then forget about by tomorrow. Its kind of like brown bagging a tuna sandwich, by the time you eat it its soggy but better than going hungry.

Savages (2012)

A Mod Squad trio (sorry Link, no token brothers this time) share everything.. life, each other, and their booming marijuana operation. Life is beautiful... until one day el crappo hits the fan in a big way.  I'm a long time fan of Benicio Del Toro and have enjoyed John Travolta since Pulp Fiction (although I did like some of his earlier stuff as well). This is a well put together action/thriller with some extreme situations, good choreography, and a great presentation. They flesh out the characters enough so the bad guys seem like real people, and while it doesn't take the 'fuck that!' out of the story, it does create some meatiness that all well directed movie will have. You don't have to stayed glued to the screen the whole time but you will want to pay attention as some scenes move pretty fast but after about 20 minutes in it shouldn't really be an issue. Call it an action/thriller taco with extra beef. Recommended.

Side Effects (2013)

A psychiatrist finds his life unraveling after accepting a new patient who's husband has just been freed from a four year prison term. I have to be a little ambiguous with this one so I don't give away any spoilers. If you are in the habit of checking IMDb you will notice my summary is nothing like theirs, that's not accidental (in fact theirs is a bit of a cheat). Anyway this is a good movie for Jude Law fans and those who prefer a more involved movie experience.  I would compare this movie to Primal Fear (1996) or Stone (2010) in tempo and depth (Jude is much more refined than Edward), if you enjoyed either of those you will probably enjoy this one. It had no trouble keeping my interest throughout. 

Snitch (2013)

After his son lands in prison The Rock has to become a snitch to keep him from doing 10 years. This is supposed to be 'based on true events' and all I have to say about that is, if accurate, our 'justice' system is more fucked up than I thought. The meat is a solid production value that keeps a brisk pace with enough tension to keep whats going to happen next a little foggy (it's not a real big surprise that things go the way they do). FX are good and while its not a terribly violent movie, the violence that does happen is convincing though not terribly graphic. I will say that of the 4 female characters in the film, 3 of them should be killed. That aside its a fairly enjoyable watch.

ParaNorman (2012)

Norman isn't one of the cool kids. He isn't one of the tough kids. He's not one of the smart kids. And if things weren't tough enough dead people won't leave him alone and the town's resident crazy person is his uncle.  This is a cool Halloween themed movie with a bit of a twist and some imagery toward the end that may be a little much for very young viewers (unless they are delightfully twisted like I was). One of the main characters is a homosexual, something they allude to during the course of the movie but at the end have him greeting his boyfriend. The inclusion of this character makes one of the rolling comedy bits work so its not just gratuitous. I mention this only if there is some concern over having to explain this to your 4 year old, it may be that it will be completely overlooked but in movies like this that are directed at children I think its important parents know whats in them (looking at Looney Tunes as an adult its clear that some elements are beyond what a child will perceive).  As far as the movie goes I thought it was pretty good, horror fans should find the spin on some staple themes pretty amusing. It doesn't pay to be a zombie in this town bub!

Red Dawn (2012)

The US mainland is invaded and a group of high school kids form a band of resistance fighters. This is a repackage of the 1984 movie of the same name. Not a bad watch, FX are good for the most part as is the acting and choreography. Its still a very scrubbed look at what could be expected under such circumstances however, so enjoy the entertainment value instead of picking apart the details. If you are in the mood for a little American pride or just want something that follows a good movie formula for easy entertainment, this isn't a bad pick. I did like a couple scenes especially, the whole bit with the Tec-9's was spot on as well as the fix for it. Semper Fi bitches!