Touchback (2011)

15 years ago his game winning touchdown ended his dreams of being a pro football star. If you could go back and do things over would you? A small town hero struggles as his life circles the drain and in a moment of weakness finds himself reliving his glory days. This is a great feel good family friendly movie. In a world of incredible hardships this is a great count your blessings story. If you are tired of flash and bang and want something a bit more substantive this would be a great choice. Recommended.

The Expendables 2 (2012)

A team of mercenaries are sent after a CIA package that pulls them into a personal war with a local warlord known for his ruthlessness. This is a serious testosterone luvfest! Action heroes of the 80's and 90's collaborate to make this an explosive adrenaline rush of campy one liners and inside jokes leaning on old roles played by these guys. Van Dame either drew the short or long straw depending on how you look at it and gets to play the bad guy the rest are out to get. This puts a whole new spin on the term 'Manwich'. Plenty of what was in the first one but much less serious. Fans of previous action players should find this worth their while. After the initial raid there isn't much in the way of graphic FX but the violence is comic book style... and they make a point of running out of ammo... lol... great fun! Recommended.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Five friends head into the woods for another mindless slasher film.. or do they? Anyone remember Westworld (1973)? Its not often I say a movie is a must see, but this is one of them if you are a fan of the genre. (Joss Whedon fans probably already own 17 Japanese bootlegs) One of the first things you will notice is how many things remind you of other horror/slasher movies. Is that the cabin from Evil Dead minus the porch swing? Sure looks that way.. And that round puzzle box is that a nod to Hellraiser? (shh.. he didn't want to pay royalties to use the square likeness). Aside from a couple 'gotcha' shots there is nothing scary at all, in fact its cliched to the point of being funny and then there are the funny parts. All the players do very respectable work, in fact they are almost too refined for this type of movie.. if of course it actually was this kind of movie. Anyway back to the Westworld comparison, it basically follows it right along.. couple small glitches then things go to shit and everyone dies.. but Whedon just couldn't leave it at that. Recommended.

Total Recall (2012)

A man's life turns out to be an illusion. This is a reboot 1990 version starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Ironside. In all the ways that matter this movie is exactly the same just with arguably better players. I imagine people will like it for much the same reasons they did the first one, cool FX, action, and a 3 pack.. 0.0! Or not like it for the same reasons, lack of depth and plot. Personally I enjoyed it by watching it for what it is instead of what it isn't. This version is a lot grittier with a Blade Runner style urban backdrop and a much more oppressive feel to the whole thing. Some of the details are a little different (no Mars) but in some places the dialogue is exactly (and I do mean exactly!) the same as the previous version. Although the action is intense it isn't graphic.

The Victim (2011)

A loner is dragged into a hairball situation when a women shows up at his cabin chased by a killer. This is pretty much a B movie written, directed and starred in by Michael Biehn (best known from Terminator, Tombstone, Aliens and The Abyss). The majority of this movie is a bit tedious highlighted by an extended sex scene. There is a small amount of nudity (no male, sorry ladies) and not much in the way of blood and gore. However if you can manage to stick with it there is a nice twist at the end that should bring a measure of appreciation.

Father's Day (2011)

Bad Taste (1987) meets Grindhouse in this summer camp of cheesy twisty. The only thing you really have to know about this one is they worship a demon named 'Fuckmanus'. Lots of everything that make B movies what they are with dialogue that sounds like Kevin Smith and Quentin Tarantino spent a weekend frying on acid and watching Roger Corman and gay porn. This is definitely not for those who think movies should do anything other than keep your eyes glued to the screen. Absolutely hilarious! Fans of Hobo with a Shotgun, Black Sheep, Evil Dead, and tasty vintage Carpenter movies like Prince of Darkness should be thrilled to spin this DVD. It starts off a little run of the mill so stick with it as it quickly ramps up and gets weirder, funnier, and more twisted. Some of the best stuff I have seen in awhile and one of the funniest 'how could you think it would be otherwise' endings ever! Loosen your panties and prepare to be horrified at how entertaining you will find this. Totally Fucking Sick!

One in the Chamber (2012)

A pair of assassins find themselves being maneuvered by two Russian crime families. This is like a low budget Assassins (1995) meets Shadowboxer (2005). While not quite the same caliber of either of those its still a respectable bit of work with more than a few memorable scenes. Both the assassin characters are very well done, though the lions share of the movie focuses on the Cuba Gooding character, Lungren plays a solid psycho in his own right. Despite its low IMDb rating I found it to be an enjoyable and entertaining watch.

Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal (2012)

An artist stumbles across a dark secret that will be the key to kick starting his painting again. Alright get your twisty on! This is a nice little fresh dark comedy that I can see becoming a cult classic. If you are the type of person who would be willing to watch a movie with this title I suspect you won't be the least bit disappointed with whats under the wrapper. Well played across the board. There are some nice details (the DJ on the classic station on the radio is hilarious!) and things start up right out of the box. Sure, there is a little suspension of belief but what comedy about cannibalism doesn't have a side of that? This is a beginning to end movie too, meaning there isn't a bunch of mindless filler you have to wade through to get to the good parts. Again very nice attention to detail in this one. FX are sufficient to set the scene, not to gross people out.. so no close ups of entrails eating and the small amount of actual violence is fairly non graphic. I say move this one to the top of your twisty list! Recommended.

Brave (2012)

A Princess's wish goes awry and results in a near disaster before the lesson is learned. This is the first Pixar I've seen that is more like Disney standard than an animation studio Dreamworks is afraid of. Animation is fine, but the two things that stand out as Disney is the singing (twice)and the typically Disney rebellious leads to disastrous story line. All the funny stuff you have seen in the trailers with nary a clue what the real story line is. The actual story has to do with witchcraft and Merida (the princess) changing the queen into a bear. That its a bear is significant in several ways, not all of them immediately apparent. While the individual characters play well the story seems to get stale before its finished being served up despite its cool simple complexities. I was struck with a sense of deja vu that is likely attributable to the number of movies I watch so I will refrain from running down a list of movies the different details could have been lifted from. Still its a worthy viewing experience though I think younger children may start getting bored before the climatic finale'.

Lovely Molly (2011)

When a woman returns to the house she grew up in so do the demons of her youth. This is from the Blair Witch guy and manages to recreate the creepy without all the on cam blubbering. Some of it is shot as a 'cam' p.o.v. but most of it is done in the typical movie third person aspect. Unlike BW where he never pulls the trigger, you get a look at her invisible tormentor in this one.. if you don't watch a lot of horror it may make you twitch a bit. Overall the movie is fairly enjoyable and straight forward though they do throw some bait in the water for a sequel. There are a couple scenes where the disgust factor is rather high so be ready for that. Not really scary but not a bad pick for a horror movie night double header.

The Raid: Redemption (2011)

A S.W.A.T. team is dispatched to take down a locally entrenched crime boss. This is an Indonesian film and I viewed the dubbed version (yeah the dub was pretty lame). Don't pick this one up if you want a story or character development, or anything with more than 3 syllables. Just take your brain out and get ready for the adrenaline. This has some of the most insane and violent fight choreography I have ever seen.. its like a cross between Oldboy (2003) and I Saw the Devil (2010) .. if you are a fan of either of those films you will probably enjoy this one, granted both of those 2 movies have more meat on their story bone than this one, the action sequences make The Raid stand out as a milestone for insanely violent films. If you like balls out fighting and killing this delivers in a way Hollyweird studios only have wet dreams about. This one is all meat.. served bloody on a sharp stick!

Machete Maidens Unleashed! (2010)

Okay some of you are excited.. the title is a little misleading and 'all of that' at the same time. If you are of an age you remember the golden years of the Drive-In with their .75/carload exploitation double features. This is a documentary of Filipino genre film making.. Roger Corman and those guys. Really fascinating stuff told by those who were there in an interview style format (individually). Remember some titles you had mercifully forgotten or simply enjoy the historical aspect of a now dead genre despite Quentin Tarantino's desire to keep it alive. This is how 90% of people in film make a living kids so very educational, highly entertaining, and the comedic styling of Sid Haig is always a treat. If you are a movie geek like me this is a must see! Recommended.

The Tall Man (2012)

A rural Washington community is plagued by a story of a child abducting 'tall man'. This was a surprising watch for me.. when it started I was expecting a typical Hollyweird horror film, and indeed for about the first hour that's what it seemed to be, but some details started to seem out of place. This continued to build until the story line emerges as something totally different and more than a little shocking. It may sound like a tinfoil hat thing but its possible that what is portrayed actually happens! >cue Twilight Zone music< Rod Sterling: In this sleepy little town a crazy notion has just been given birth... lol. Gone Baby Gone (2007) meets Gone (2012). There is another older film I could tag but that would be too much a spoiler so it shall go unsaid.. if you seen it you will know which I am thinking of when you get to the end of this one. There is an extended scene between the 'yawn another slasher' and 'wait.. what the hell is going on?' you have to kind of muck (clue) through.. but once on the other side its all good stuff. You will definitely need your brain with you on this. Even though its tagged horror there isn't much scary in this one. Solid production value and a huge corkscrew of a non cheesy twist make this one worth seeing. Recommended.

Loving the Bad Man (2010)

A young woman who is raped not only forgives her violator (and gives birth to his bastard child) but seeks to lead him to his own salvation. Most of these Christian themed movies are pretty hokey when it comes to production value and delivery and this one is no exception. However if you can stick with it until it starts to grab you (about 30 minutes in for me) you will be treated to a hard hitting powerhouse. Not since Fireproof (2008) have I been so moved and elevated by a movie. This goes beyond simple mindless entertainment or feeding a thrill and speaks directly to your core. Very nourishing for the entire family. Highly Recommended.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Director Nolan wraps up his Batman trilogy. Definitively the darkest of the bunch, this one combines the complex story arc of Batman Begins with all the flash and FX of The Dark Knight. While the Dark Knight is my hands down favorite of the 3, Rises is no slouch when it comes to all the elements that have made the prior 2 so well received. While it was easy to understand 7 years had passed in the first one (really only 7?), and the second one spans several months (not really all that important as far as the viewing goes), this one starts off 8 years later and THEN spans more than 5 months (the 5 month thing becomes important after a certain event), something that gets lost easily while being fairly important to understanding certain events. The story itself is top shelf, despite the cosmetic differences in Bane, he is for the most part the villain who was conceived in the Knightfall story arc. There is some compression and story mixing to kind of bring things full circle. Don't nit pick things too hard as the veneer is a little thin in a couple places (sometimes an unavoidable evil given time constraints and editing). Definitively worth seeing if you are a fan of the previous 2. Sorry no spoilers. Recommended.

Girls Gone Dead (2012)

Weekend party get-a-way turns into bloody massacre. You can sum this one up in a couple words.. camp, boobs, blood.. and sometimes that's enough. This title was notable to me based on the inclusion of Linnea Quigley and Ron Jeremy, if you know either of those names then this movie shouldn't make your brain explode. Unfortunately they both have bit roles completely unworthy of their particular talents. Pretty typical slasher style movie.. they manage to bring in a new weapon of choice (the war hammer) and create some lore around it.. nothing too complicated but something a little new to the genre. The movie itself is surprisingly well done from a mechanics standpoint, they either had some money to spend or have some real talent behind the scenes.. either way, B-movie and plastic titty fans should find something worthwhile in this one.. nothing earth shattering but better than the typical offering.

Ted (2012)

A childhood wish gives life to a teddy bear. Ted is Peter Griffin from Family Guy? Yup! Pretty funny for the first 20 minutes or so and has a nice wrap up but the filler is pretty weak potatoes. A nod goes out to Giovanni Ribisi for his over the top psycho character, talk about making the most of a very small role.. nice work! The rest of the movie is fairly formulaic, a little crude, but nothing not seen/heard before. I really had no desire to see this but during the first 20 minutes or so I thought I was going to be surprised with a real treat.. alas it was not to be so. Another testament to the sorry state of comedy these days.

The Raven (2012)

The last days of Edgar Allen Poe are filled with a murder mystery driven by his stories. I'm sad to say this is one of those Hollyweird formula movies. Basically this is From Hell (2001) seasoned with the new Sherlock Holmes offerings. They do a nice job of pitching the works of Poe so I'm wondering if one or more of the producers have acquired some of the rights. I imagine more than a few people will be buying some Poe compilations to make sense of some of the references. The movie itself is medium entertaining... my attention wandered here and there, but I still wanted to see where things were going. Overall its milquetoast. Sorry John.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Spiderman reboot. For those who live on Mars, High School loser gets bit by radioactive spider which gives him super powers. Right out of the box on this one they start exploring new avenues, most notably the fate of Peter's parents. Casting Martin Sheen as Uncle Ben does nothing to garner sympathy when he is killed (they change it so he dies for being a knucklehead, not hard to believe with Martin Sheen.. lol). Everything else is 'updated' to today's sort of wishy-washy Twilight like societal norms. This movie would be better titled The Amazing Peter Parker as the vast majority of the movie is told through the eyes of Peter and not Spiderman. I really really wanted to like this movie, the inclusion of the web shooters and the fact they left him small and skinny all pointed in a direction I was liking. Unfortunately it didn't come to amount to much as I was fairly bored through the lions share of 2 hours worth of film (you have seen all the good stuff in the trailers). The Lizard CGI was sorely lacking during the close-ups and they had too many of those. I think this may have been a committee movie.. too much material and not enough direction, lots of ideas and no convictions. A huge disappointing 'meh'.

Dark Shadows (2012)

Tim Burton interpretation of the venerable TV show of the same name. If you are unfamiliar this is kind of the late show version of Dallas. Old wealthy family headed up by a vampire with an ancient curse. If you are a fan of the Burton/Depp team there is no reason to think you won't enjoy this one as well. For me there were a few moments of brilliance surrounded by minutes and minutes of it could have been funny 2 decades ago. Not to say its a bad watch, far from it, but for me this formula is starting to get stale. I was a little disappointed in Depp's performance as well unless he was deliberately trying to pay tribute to the poor drunken sot who played the role initially (then I'm impressed.. lol). Okay I'm done dumping on it, for the good stuff the sets and atmosphere is typical Burton brilliant and the evil witch was really played well. I watched it twice already just to make sure I wasn't missing anything, probably once more before it gets flushed down the memory hole. Make a good movie night rental.

Collaborator (2011)

A visit to his mother finds a playwright being held as a hostage by his ex-con neighbor. Pretty interesting movie about a politically outspoken writer on a downward slide who finds his career salvaged by the downward spiral and death of his ex-con neighbor he knew as a child. Hollyweird never ceases to amaze me on its inability to connect with rank and file America through their characters. Their endless insistence that anyone pro American is 'right-wing' while rejecting that being anti American is 'left wing' is as mindless as it is inaccurate. Be that as it may they don't beat that drum too hard while doing a fair job of comparing the differences between those on the upper strata of society and those living on the bottom. All in all a fairly enjoyable and entertaining viewing experience.

Margaret (2011)

An upper class teen-age girl witnesses a fatal bus accident. This is a well done movie and all players for the most part do well. A strident drama about guilt and the need for revenge. The story is well done but fairly pointless. Personally I didn't like this one at all.. all those bitches are fucking crazy! It showcases everything shitty about the human condition from my perspective and the NYC Jewish women screeching during the last half of the movie was more than I could take. This thing was a soap opera on steroids! None for me thanks.

The Shrine (2010)

A report of a missing hiker sends a trio of journalists into the old world backwoods seeking clues. This is one you really need to stick with for the payoff. Try to keep the first scene in mind when you are bored to tears watching nearly every mindless cliche' and stupid move and dry worn out dialogue... they get to the statue and things still don't improve despite the momentary cool break in the monotony. BUT.. if you can stick with it you will be rewarded in the final 3rd of the film. Remember that first scene? Well if you can make it until you see it again you will be in for a treat. The ending of the movie is well worth seeing as things get insanely violent and demonic. If this pops up on cable and you have nothing better to do this wouldn't be a waste of your time.. there are moments I would compare favorably to The Evil Dead (1981) but they are short lived (about the last 10 minutes of the movie).

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (2011)

A pie in the sky dream is embraced by political forces. This was a great watch! Humor, Politics, Romance, Action all rolled up in a nice burrito for the adult movie goer. The first 2/3rds of the film has a lot of easy to relate to humor, especially if you are politically savvy. The last 3rd a nice bitter sweet romance that comes around in a Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) style finish. These kind of movies seem to get lost in the noise these days, a shame too because this really is brilliant film making. If you want to give dick and ass humor a break and would like some nice smooth entertainment that appeals to your higher brain functions this would be a top shelf pick. I haven't been moved by drama like this since Never Let Me Go (2010) except I was smiling instead of sobbing at the end. Highly Recommended.

Cleanskin (2012)

Terrorists in the UK capture some high explosive and a rouge security unit is sent to find them. This was a pretty exciting movie, sort of a cross between From Paris with Love (2010) and Ronin (1998). Some of the protagonist's monologues about violence and its nature are insightful and excellent. This film also gets to brag about having the best head-shot FX I have ever seen in my life. I had a couple issues with some of the fight and shoot out choreography.. hard to believe the Sean Bean character would make the mistakes he did with the training he supposedly had. Over all an excellent viewing experience with a nice slimy twist at the end. Recommended.

Being Flynn (2012)

An estranged father is reunited with his son while he is on the way down. This is a drama about a young man trying to find his direction and an old man who has lost it. Not a bad movie, full of cliches' and touchy-feely wine and cheese characters with no real depth. I'm not really sure what the point was with this movie except maybe a shout to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it. I did find one thing interesting though there was a catch phrase that kept popping up but those who used it didn't follow it.. typical? Perhaps. I'm sure some of the professional critique crowd will gush over the 'social commentary' of this one, for me it was pretty dull.

Attack the Block (2011)

Aliens land in a south London Ghetto and raise hell! Okay the main characters in this are a gang of teen-age hooligans who I had trouble understanding a damn word they said (it was technically English I guess). I think this one may appeal to the UK version of Kick-Ass (2010) fans. The alien FX were cool, something new. The movie moves along at a good pace, has sufficient tension, and ends better than it could have. Its fairly mindless with a fair amount of not overly graphic violence for the most part (they do a few but I think doing it a lot may not have been in the budget). My thought is this will appeal more to younger viewers. I viewed it once, it was enough.

Midnight Son (2011)

Geez another Vampire movie? Yeah but these don't sparkle! Actually there are only a couple in the whole movie. Things set up sort of like a guy was born with it and as he approaches his middle 20's his need for blood starts to burn within him. Requiem for a Dream meets The Hunger. They go at it like an addiction with the lead suffering from all number of heroin style side effects. Nice and moody with a heavy dose of urban seasoning... think of this as Vampire Noir. Very nicely done squeezing fresh juice out of this old turnip. Recommended.

Dead Season (2012)

ZOMBIES! Another B zombie movie, but this is a good example instead of a train wreck. Most the movie takes place on an island resort (that our main characters had to travel to via boat) that is being run as a proto military compound. Despite shortcomings in acting and FX the story really shows serious thought into how people would manage the coming zombie apocalypse. Patrols, food gathering, prime directives.. and the inability to beat the stupid out of some people. If you are an avid fan of the genre I would say a viewing would be worth your time.

Cell Count (2012)

A mysterious illness threatens humanity but one scientist offers a cure. Basically unless this shows up on the late late late show and you are too drunk, stoned or lazy to find the remote I would stay away from this one. This is the type of movie that give B movies a bad name. Terrible cliched acting (the mad scientist sounds like a NAZI? why not a big scar and a monocle too), lame FX, and just when the movie is coming to an end they start making Matrix like references and the movie ends in the middle of some non sequitur that leaves you thinking the plug got pulled during production and they are trying to pay off the bill in the editing studio. Way too much toe cheese and not enough cracker. I actually misread the IMDb rating on this and thought it was a 8.3 (83 votes) instead of the 3.2 or 2.3 it really has. Bad dog no biscuit!

Battle of the Pacific (2012) AKA Oba: The Last Samurai (2011)

The battle for Saipan during WWII. The original title is more appropriate for this movie but hey at least the dubbing is good! Much like Clint Eastwood's Letters from Iwo Jima (2006), this is told largely from the Japanese perspective or at least not overly 'YAY AMERICA!'. This isn't a big Hollyweird production so FX are modest and sweeping panoramic shots are minimal. Think of this more a story of the Japanese version of Thermopylae with a small band of Japanese soldiers dodging 1000 times their number. Some great notions of Japanese honor and culture alongside some of the anti-American propaganda those who aren't students of the era may not know. If you are a fan of intelligent war movies this is tailor made for you. Not to say the mindless ones (Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now) aren't fun and enjoyable watches. Obviously some of the accuracy is a matter of opinion but overall a solid docudrama. A worthy tribute to a forgotten hero. Recommended.

Walk All Over Me (2007)

Missing cash, the three stooges of bad guys, a dominatrix, and her shit magnet cousin all collide in the suburbs of Vancouver. How I missed this until now is beyond me. Granted I went into this expecting more Dancing at the Blue Iguana than Shoot the Hero, but what I got was an enjoyable watch with a sliver of weird. This is another Leelee Sobieski showcase movie so if you can't stand her stay away from this. Personally I liked it, very entertaining, and should appeal to those who enjoy underdog makes good style stories but with humor instead of tears. Like many movies of this type not everything lines up well but this one hides it better than most. I wish they would have spent more time playing in the dominatrix dungeon but alas no...lol. Enjoy!

The Woman in the Fifth (2011)

A disgraced professor moves to Paris to be closer to his daughter and instead finds himself on a road into the weird. Okay I am going to admit I don't have a full handle on this movie yet and will watch it a couple more times to try to understand just what the hell happened. It had no trouble holding my attention and every time I thought it had picked a direction it turned out to be misdirection. I'm half of a mind to think that the movie is about the guy going crazy but there are murders and an apparent kidnapping so..? You have all the makings for a steamy romance, murder mystery, crime action.. but after setting those up it doesn't go through any of those doors. Something to challenge the mind or cosmic muffin? Hell I don't know! If you are tired of watching the same old shit and want to jump off into something adultish and different this isn't a bad pick. Still wondering... Oo

The Hunger Games (2012)

In the future as a punishment for some past rebellion, each year communities must send 2 chosen by lot to compete in a last man standing, kill or be killed free for all. You know what they call Hunger Games in Paris? Battle Royal with cheese. Basically this is Twilight meets Battle Royal with way too much vanilla dressing. Its not a total waste of time as some scenes are memorable (hallucination hornets anyone?) but I found it not only overly predictable but stale and cliched. I thought the Rodney King tie in was way over the top doing little more than reinforcing a negative stereotype. On the up side the 'pre-story' is decent and I liked the juxtaposition of a Metropolis style high tech society with the Russian style village living surviving on squirrels and rough bread.

A Thousand Words (2012)

A literary agent gets a cosmic kick in the ass after a visit to a new age spiritual guru. Eddie Murphy and Dream Works go together like milk and oatmeal. Familiar, nourishing, great for kids, bland and boring. Think of this as Liar Liar (1997) with a cup of willow bark tea and a namaste instead of sugar and screaming. Nice family friendly viewing, easy to watch, even the outrageous stuff is time tested and non threatening. Still a good message and an overall positive experience. Something you can watch with the kids without being bored or horrified. Coming in at a viewer friendly 90 minutes there is no reason not to make this a rental.

Gone (2012)

A woman swears she was kidnapped and escaped but when police find no trace she is committed. Two years later she is convinced he has returned to get her. A fairly entertaining movie that uses a constant thread of unlikely and hard to swallow events to move things forward. The lead is the same gecko eyed player from the recent Red Riding hood reboot but not as annoying in this role. Things stay fairly brisk throughout so after the first 20 minutes it had no trouble keeping my interest. For fans of 'fuck you for not believing me even though there was nothing to corroborate my story' movies this one is tailor made for you.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home (2011)

A zen loser gets to play hero for a day. This is a cutesy sort of random style movie about a day in the life for a mother, her stoner son who lives in her basement, and his middle management brother. This is one of the better 'safe date' movies I've seen in awhile. Its humorous without zingers, love without syrup, being zen and at one with the cosmos while wandering around like a complete jackass, pretty much a movie where the players pretend they are real people. And to top it off they have a slow pitch bid in favor of older women 'experimenting' with lesbianism. (Susan Sarandon played mom so it wasn't a hard sell for her). So as a gal you don't have to worry about tentacles coming on because you're scared and guys you get to show how open minded and well balanced you are on this safe movie date. It is a feel good movie, done very well, and yes you will want to clap at the end. Oh just an FYI- if you are in a hotel room with someone and your spouse doesn't know about it and its not part of your job, regardless your state of dress when you get caught, YOU ARE CHEATING!

Twixt (2011)

A 'bargain basement Stephen King' author (Val Kilmer) winds up in a sleepy little town where nothing is as it seems. Bruce Dern plays the multi-talented sheriff/wood-smith/bat expert/would be author who seeks to co-write a novel utilizing an unusual corpse in the morgue as the center piece with the washed up town novelty. So at this point I was thinking cheesy Salem's Lot knock off when out of the blue everything takes a hard left turn and corkscrews deeper and deeper into weird, dark and not so scary. By the time everything is said and done the object of Val's demise is his salvation! Slick bit of enjoyable film making that has your head bobbing in agreement with the ending. If you are the type who isn't afraid to sop up chocolate syrup with a piece of toast you may find this a very tasty bit indeed! I didn't know this was a Coppola film until just now. Recommended.

Wanderlust (2012)

A NYC couple has the rug pulled out from under them and leads them on a journey into the weird. If you have been wondering what Jennifer Aniston has been up to lately well here ya go. This is a very enjoyable low-key comedy/feel good movie that mostly takes place in a dropped out of time commune in Georgia. A few moments aside (a prolonged starring into a mirror scene working up the nerve to have sex with a smoking hot goddess had me on the verge of turning it off.. another 10 seconds and this review wouldn't exist) its about 60 minutes of amused grinning with 10 minutes of set-up/wrap-up on either end. The peyote tea bit is definitely the high point of the watch, breaking from the low key understated humor of most the rest of the movie, and had me guffawing in appreciation. Some impressive male frontal nudity aside (and one rather disturbing scene of nudists running) the film is largely family friendly and a sure treat for some easy feel good vibes. Recommended.

Piranha 3DD (2012)

The prehistoric flesh eating fishes are back! Boobs, blood, bad acting and worse sight gags are whats on the menu with this 'ah gee its rated R' pre-teen boner fest. There is no shortage of naked and barely clothed women running around, a few new ways to gross people out, and a couple scenes that you will want to see again despite how painful it is. Definitely mindless fun! Make it a drinking night tag team with Club Dread (2004) and enjoy the goof fest!

Prometheus (2012)

Ancient writings send a group of scientists into deep space seeking the origins of man. Pitched as a 'prequel' to the Alien series this is the big summer bone being offered up to starving sci-fi movie goers. First off the FX are excellent, and the plot is strong (simple, but strong). This is a fairly straight up meat and potatoes film without many 'clever twists' despite its ending. There are enough obvious tie ins to the Alien franchise that they don't have to come out and point 'see! see!'(well okay at the end they do). I'm a little shocked at some of the reviews so far... I'm not sure how 'happy ending' ever made it into the discussion. I was okay with everything until about 40 minutes in where they decide not to carry sidearms into an unexplored foreign environment then just minutes later while in that unexplored environment its decided that breaking the seal on the space suits and taking off helmets is a good idea (really? you should feel like Guy from Galaxy Quest at this point). Things get fairly predictable from this point and everyone dies (oops sorry.. lol). While this is sub par for Ridley Scott notable sci-fi (Blade Runner, Alien) its really not such a bad film in the world of movies. Unfortunately I think a small angry group of vocal sci-fi purists will sink this via reviews and word of mouth. Myself I was disappointed but only in that I had such high expectations and was really looking forward to no filler sci-fi fare. So while I won't recommend you go see this in the theater, I wouldn't hold it against anyone who goes anyway. If you are a sci-fi fan you will see it eventually.

In Darkness (2011)

A based on true events story about a Polish plumber who hid a group of Jews in the sewers for over a year during WWII. This, like other movies of this type, is not an easy movie to watch. The film is well put together, not overly graphic, and emotionally challenging. While it doesn't have the scope of Schindler's List or the double fisted emotional pounding of The Grey Zone, nor the qualities of character of Return to the Hiding Place, it none the less is powerful film making and deserves to be seen. If the way some of the characters behaved is accurate its a wonder the Polish guy didn't shoot them himself. Recommended.

Jane Eyre (2011)

Apparently this story has been around awhile and had been remade more than a few times. If you are unfamiliar this is a drama/romance about an orphan girl become woman in I would guess early 1800's England. This was some great drama with a nice teaser in it. Aside from the stunning cinematography all the players are in A list form.. not only was my attention riveted to the screen for the duration, I could actually project myself into the scenes (fly on the wall of course). Nothing came across over melodramatic that wasn't supposed to. Great story. Traditional lessons to be learned, with the Jane character brushing sainthood. Yeah its a chick flick but its more proper romance than sappy gooey lets drink this poison and die together rot. Highly Recommended.

Contraband (2012)

When the brother in law winds up in the soup with the mob Mark Wahlberg's character has to jump back into the family 'business' to make things right. Pretty standard Wahlberg action flick.. this one centers around moving contraband on a large freighter. Tough guy gone straight has to bail his nutsack brother in law out of a fix while getting boned in the ass from his equally nutsacked best friend. So long story short nothing goes as planned (shocking I know!), Mark has to get his tough guy on, dodging bullets while playing nursemaid to a guy with the IQ of an eggplant. So its not a bad watch, just no surprises, nothing even remotely fresh, with the Kodak finish. If you are a fan of the genre there is nothing to make this one any better or worse than most of its kind.

Exit Humanity (2011)

19th century American zombies! This is a B-grade movie with outstanding presentation. They preface the story with a graphic saying zombies are popping up and a journal from the 19th century has surfaced which may give clues how to survive.. no current date is given and the whole of the movie is as told from the journal. Zombie FX are very good considering (they sort of look like ghouls) and the story comes together in a nice neat package. The movie is broken up into chapters and there is some animation (very cool pen sketch style) sparsely scattered throughout. Nice twist on the origin (zombie zero), with a human protagonist element as well. Its not going to win any awards but it was an enjoyable new flavor on a venerable subject.