Suck (2009)

A struggling band discover a key to fame that has nothing to do with music. Not what I expected given the title. Actually this is a pretty funny watch; imagine fronting a band of vampires while your roadie stuffs garbage bags with groupies.. Dark slapstick served deadpan with a side of Alice Cooper. Well played and fun to watch. A comedy that leaves pretentious at the door, now how refreshing is that? Enjoy your Slushee.

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

A group of Jewish American soldiers covertly enter German occupied France to create terror and mayhem. This is a Tarantino film and I must say I was a bit disappointed. Its not terrible in and of itself (although Brad Pitt's character started to grate my nerves), just not what I've come to expect from a Tarantino film. This is one of those 'near-history' stories that sprinkle historical events into an otherwise completely fictitious tale. On the plus side there are a number of memorable scenes and one hell of a great ending. Schnitzel mit sour kraut.

Salt (2010)

A international super spy is revealed as a soviet mole. Mission Impossible meets The Bourne Identity in this action packed espionage thriller. Great job from all the players with a straight forward story without a ridiculously twisty plot trying to keep you guessing. Action is intense for the most part without becoming too unbelievable. As a bonus they actually have to load their weapons! The whole "billion pissed off muslems" thing was pretty silly (you mean they aren't pissed off now?), and one of the few parts of the movie that had me rolling my eyes (I did approve of the targeting though). Not exactly fresh fare, but well prepared. Load up your plate and enjoy!

The Killing Jar (2010)

A stranger walks into a diner with a shotgun and hilarity ensues. 90 minutes of tedious dialogue and gushing blood. I wish movie makers who are going to focus movies on gun use would actually go to a range and at least see how they operate. 1911's slide locks to the rear when the last round is fired, just FYI.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

An insane German neurosurgeon who specializes in the separation of conjoined twins decides to create one. This is one twisted nut of a feature. Fairly B movie across the board. There doesn't really seem to be any purpose to this movie other than to gross people out, and at that it does a fair job. See it if you must, but you have been warned.

Centurion (2010)

An elite legion of Roman soldiers in Britannia is massacred, leaving a handful of survivors to fight their way back to Roman held territory while being pursued by Picts sworn to kill them. A fairly straight forward story, nothing too complex, just enough character development to make it more difficult than it should be to pick a side even though movie dogma already has dictated the winner. Very well played all around with an engaging plot. Just the right mix of action and tension, with a high degree of realism, especially the battles. If you enjoyed King Arthur (2004) chances are good you will enjoy this one as well. Recommended.

Black Death (2010)

The black plague sweeps Europe. The rumor of a village inhabited by a necromancer sends an envoy from the bishop to discover the truth. On par with Flesh+Blood (1985) but a bit less crass, this is a very enjoyable viewing experience with an interesting question of morality. Well done on all sides. Be aware the gore factor is on the high side with scenes of combat and torture. Fans of the era should find this an enjoyable look at the near historical. Recommended.

Naked Weapon (2002)

Young girls all over the world are kidnapped and taken to a secret island fortress to become deadly trained assassins. This is a solid cheese fest with explosions, gunfights and very hot women thrown into the mix. For fans of the Jamie Lee Curtis scene in True Lies (1994), there is a spicier double dose in this flick. Not exactly top shelf viewing, it still had enough cool things going on to make a viewer (especially male) much more forgiving. I recommend beer instead of popcorn.

The Brave One (2007)

After an attack that claims the life of her fiance and leaves her in a coma, one woman decides she isn't going to be a victim anymore. This is an updated version of Death Wish (1974) with Jodie Foster instead of Charles Bronson as the lead. Not being a huge Foster fan, I was pleasantly surprised she didn't overact this role into the ground. A solid viewing experience with just a bit of suspended belief to set this ship afloat, it should appeal to boys and girls alike. For the record, an unregistered Kahr 9mm for a thousand bucks in NYC is a deal and a half. Hard to go wrong with this selection.

Dough Boys (2009)

Life for 3 young players and a buddy gets too real after they try to unload a score on the gangster they unknowingly boosted it from. Softsoap look at ghetto life and what it takes to get one young man to pursue a life instead of a 'rep'. Fairly well played up until the big gun battle that seems to suffer a bit. Not a bad watch, but fans of the genre may find it a bit thin compared to others with the same pitch (ie: Baby Boy (2001)).

Tekken (2010)

The murder of his mother drives a young smuggler to step forward and challenge the world order dominance of Tekken in arena style combat. Very loosely based on the game of the same name, this is a turkey sandwich with mayo on white bread style fight movie. Nothing new or really exciting, its still well presented and enjoyable for what it is. At the very least there's enough tasty eye candy to keep you from being bored.

She's Out of My League (2010)

When a top shelf honey shows romantic interest in a no-go-Joe, it sets the stage for disaster. We've seen this formula before but this time it actually works. Lots of chuckles and a few good hearty laughs with nothing too graphic or far outside the paint. Nice easy humor and easy to believe set-ups (for the most part) drive a very enjoyable and relaxing viewing experience. Recommended.

Unthinkable (2010)

A man claims to have hidden 3 atomic bombs around the country and a specialist is brought in to extract the information. Kind of along the lines of Gone Baby Gone (2007) in that the movie creates a moral dilemma. This movie depicts pretty aggressive methods of torture, although not too graphically, so be warned. I thought this was a good look at what the western world faces today. The very values we hold dear are being exploited to destroy our way of life, so do we go down with the ship or suspend those values? Twice before this choice has been made. Either way you come down, there are no easy answers, especially when encountering the extremes. Recommended.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

A trio of middle age friends decide to revisit a prime party spot from their youth and wake up in the 1980's. Pretty standard John Cusack comedy fare with slapstick and near serious moments side by side. Surprisingly one of the few drags was the appearance of Chevy Chase. Easy to watch with easy laughs, aimed more towards the guy. Would go well with delivery pizza and a couple beer swilling buddies.

Green Zone (2010)

The search for WMD's in Iraq uncover an insidious conspiracy. What starts out as a promising if somewhat naive' war movie quickly devolves into another sycophantic leftist rant about the evils of the US 'regime' with only the towering intellect and moral fiber of Matt Damon to save us. If you are one of those who has a bumper sticker slogan mentality of Iraq, this flick was made for you and will serve to reinforce everything your kook-aid swilling drone programing has told you. The caricature encapsulates the mood of the flick well, along with the overgrown size of Damon's forehead. In honor of such noxious swill, I have decided to award this flick the booby prize.

Furry Vengeance (2010)

When the developers come into the forest, the woodland critters unite behind a clever raccoon to expel them. Brendan Fraser and Brooke Shields star in this wacky flick aimed at younger viewers. Sight gags and critter CGI drive the yucks with the boyscout charm of Brendan Fraser providing close support. Preschool cuddly and should entertain a younger demographic while thankfully lacking any singing dwarfs in foam rubber suits. Raccoons are so cute..:P

Brooklyn's Finest (2009)

Three different cops leading three very separate lives find their paths converging to one night that will forever define all of them. This is the best serious cop movie I've seen since The Departed (2006) . Action, subterfuge and resignation are the themes on display in this well played drama. Recommended for those seeking a more adult viewing event.

The Tournament (2009)

Every so many years the worlds best assassins are gathered for a last man standing free for all of death. Nothing new here, but the cookie cutter storyline is well performed. Lots of action, boom boom, and grisly deaths. Choreography is well done and the near finale' demolition run with a double decker bus and a gas truck is a must see. An enjoyable if somewhat mindless mayhem movie. Sort of a rehash of The Condemned (2007) .

After.Life (2009)

A young woman finds herself in a funeral home being prepared for burial by a man who claims he can speak to the dead. Odd duck time. This is a pretty weird movie that has a couple great big holes in it, and leaves a lot of questions unanswered, though I think the last is on purpose. I can't shake the notion that this movie is about a very clever serial killer, and there are enough clues dropped to help this conclusion. Anyway you slice it, its not a bad watch, just kind of weird.. compare to The Skeleton Key (2005) without the neat and tidy wrap-up.

Operation Endgame (2010)

A secret covert ops organization turns on each other while locked in a secret facility with the timer running before it turns into a fireball. What starts out as a promising comedy quickly devolves into a sycophantic leftist rant about the evils of GW and the coming of the savior Obooboo (I bet this producer wished they had waited a few months.. lol). If you can get past the moonbat idiocy, the film isn't a bad watch, even with it becoming formulaic and stinted as it goes along. Get Smart meets Scream. One watch was enough for me however.

Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)

For those who have been keeping count, or are hapless geeks like myself, there are a total of 4 Robins; Dick, Jason, Tim and Carrie. This is the story of Jason. While this is animated, its not a kiddie cartoon.. there is death and murder and realistic violence, including people being burned alive. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, this is top shelf Batman including a Heath inspired Joker. The story is well written, the animation is adequate, the characters are well voiced and thoughtfully utilized. I have long enjoyed animation for the freedom it gives storytelling and that is certainly what happens here. A must see for fans of the genre and a great choice for those who have been enjoying the superhero movies of late. Highly recommended.

The Runaways (2010)

A look at the birth and death of America's first grrl rock band. Gritty but sanitary look into the rock industry and the band that would launch Joan Jett and later Lita Ford. A drama along the order of Almost Famous (2000) and a less than flattering look at life as a rock star. Kristen Stewart plays a sizzling hot Joan Jett and I was a little surprised to see Tatum O'Neal as the mother of the drug whipped lead singer Cherie Curry. Good mix and presentation. A chick flick that the guys can enjoy too.
Pic is an actual shot of the band.

Cop Out (2010)

Another silly ass cops movie where a pair of zany whack jobs dodge bullets and gun down bad guys at will. Its the same cookie cutter formula with new dancers, this time Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan. If you didn't know Kevin Smith was the director going in, a couple of straight guys talking about cock like Twinkies and the inevitable "ass to mouth" comment is the give away. I guess Kevin missed out in his youth. Some laughs are to be had however, but most come at the expense of Tracy Morgan's self respect... I hope he didn't kill himself after seeing the screening. If you are a fan of this formula know that its not anywhere near as funny as Running Scared, Beverly Hills Cop, or 48 hours. This serves up like sweet pickle appetizers.

The Losers (2010)

A super bad spec op squad is double crossed by a CIA super spook and they've come looking for payback. This is an 'A Team' meets 'Smoking Aces' flick, with surprisingly little blood for all the shooting that goes on. Rock'em sock'em he-man style movie with PC diversity. Don't think about it, just strap in and enjoy the ride. Humor, action, and one very hot tough grrl sends this one to the recommended table. Good clean fun... with guns!

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Rehash of the 80's flick. In the time of the Greeks the people of Argos are haughty and thumb their noses at the gods. In this version Hades is loosed upon the city, and demands the life of the princess or the destruction of Argos. I liked this version, my biggest gripe being it was too short, could have used another 30 minutes. Be that as it may, once the action starts it doesn't stop till the movie ends. Very cool Medusa, shame we didn't get to see more of her. Calibos is hideous and driven. Some changes are made to the storyline giving this version a more meaty feel. For fans of the genre definitely worth your while, for everyone else not a bad choice at all, compare to Beowulf or Pathfinder.

Hulk Vs. (2009)

Hulk vs Wolverine and Hulk vs Thor are included on this disk. Pretty much 80 minutes of animated ass kicking.
Hulk vs Wolverine: Team X is back looking to harness the power of the Hulk. Animation is very good for a marvel production, with actual blood being spattered. Fans of Wolverine should enjoy the fairly well rounded rehash of his origin as well as some blasts from his past. Storyline is fairly solid, done from a Wolverine pestpective, and brings along with it a very violent and destructive Hulk.
Hulk vs Thor: Loki brings the Hulk to Asgard in an attempt to kill his accursed 1/2 brother Thor. A bit more 'cartoon-ish' with no real blood or death. Good portrayal of Thor though, even with the cosmetic issues.
Overall a good viewing experience and a must have for fans of the big green guy.

The Last Legion (2007)

The Goths sack Rome and the last Caesar flees north seeking refuge. A pretty fair swords and sorcery style action flick, and an interesting prequel to King Arthur. Nothing exceptional here except perhaps the inclusion of a very beautiful Aishwarya Rai as the warrior Mira. Everything is fairly cookie cutter as far as characters and dialogue. Expect to see it showing up in super saturday marathons before too long.

Reign of Fire (2002)

A construction crew in England awakens a sleeping dragon and sets mankind on the brink of extinction. A very cool movie pitting modern man against medieval monsters. The dragon FX are very well done, as well as the rest. Very convincing in depth and scope. A small group of people hiding near the coast in England are struggling to outlast the beasts as hunger and sickness ravage their numbers. One day a group of American National Guard shows up and the fireworks begin. Fans of the genre will especially enjoy, but its a good movie in its own right. Great ride. Recommended.

The Wrestler (2008)

Mickey Roarke stars as Randy the Ram, a pro wrestler 20 years past his heyday. Life comes at Randy off the top ropes when he suffers a heart attack and is told to stop his lifelong passion of working the mat. Co-starring a very tasty Marisa Tomei as an equally faded stripper. A good drama with action, with the camerawork making you feel like you are in the room instead of watching on a screen. I don't know how accurate the portrayal of pro wrestling is, but it paints a fairly dismal picture. Sort of a downbeat movie that is fun to watch and maybe a little too easy for some of us to relate to. A solid piece of work. Recommended.

Seven Pounds (2008)

A man kills 7 people in a car accident and spends the rest of his life doing penance. Once again Will Smith commands the screen with his range and presence. This is a top shelf drama and chick flick on the order of 'The Notebook', but with salt instead of sugar. It will definitely wring the water from your eyes if you still possess a soul, so be prepared. The only reason it doesn't make my top 10 is because its so damn hard to watch.. not in a bad way... but you are pretty worked over by the time the movie ends. The ending is a bit shocking if not suprising, with the only candy coated moment being the last two before the credits roll. This is a serious gut check flick. Very Highly Recommended.

The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto (2009)

Rob Zombie animated flick for twisted adults. A former masked wrestler and current playboy and bad ass, El Superbeasto is on a collision course with Dr. Satan and his plan to be transmogrified and enjoy all the sudsy powers of hell!!! It would help to have a seriously twisted sense of humor as well as a Heavy Metal view of T&A to wring every bit of viewing pleasure from this one. See the toon they couldn't show on TV. WARNING: seriously this isn't for kids. Recommended.

Galaxy Quest (1999)

*TOP 10 ALERT*
A group of has been actors are thrust into living their TV show roles. Spoofing the Star Trek phenomena, and exploiting nearly every stereotype there is, this is a hilarious family friendly movie (I know she SAYS 'fuck that', but they dub it even though they didn't re shoot the scene). Its not necessary to be a fan of the genre, but having seen at least one of the cheesier episodes of an old space TV sci-fi series will help things a lot. Of course boobs are good, and who knew Sigorney packed such a pair!?!?(they stay mostly covered in a very well made push-up). But don't fixate, there are too many other things that make this a great movie. I've watched it in excess of 25 times and still laugh out loud. Highly Recommended.

The Last Dragon (1985)

"Catches bullets in his teeth??... Nigga please!!!!"
When a group of thugs led by a martial arts badass runs amok its up to a young master to find the power within to confront him. Shot in the fashion of the day (music video) and starring a very tasty Vanity, this blast from the past continues to entertain. Fairly campy with cool effects and choreography (mostly), Bruce Leroy seeks the highest level of martial skill, 'the glow'. Meanwhile the mob (token white guys) and a street gang are making his life difficult. A chance encounter with Vanity has our hero experiencing a whole new level of desire. An enjoyable broad stroke comedy with cool action, cool video effects, funky music and pizza with beansprouts. Nice easy viewing with all that 80's flavor. Recommended.

Uncle Buck (1989)

*Top 10 Alert*
One of my favorite John Candy movies. A family emergency requires the tapping of the family ne'er-do-well to care for the house and kids for a time. A hilarious look at how a notorious bachelor deals with kids and a house in the 'burbs. While the laughs come fast and hard its done with a big heart. Part dream part nightmare, the movie pitches a positive message with a happy ending. Very Highly Recommended.
RIP John you made the world a better place.

Pineapple Express (2008)

A stoner witnesses a murder and the roach he tosses out the window is enough to lead the killers to his dealer. Pretty silly pot based comedy that quickly goes from 'Dude, I can so relate to that' to 'Dude, WTF are they doing??'. A fairly humorous ride across the board, though the ending was a bit heavy for my taste given the nature of the film. But, as far as comedies these days go, definitely on the give it a watch end of things.

Dororo (2007)

A warlord makes a pact with demons exchanging the life of his unborn son for the promise of power. The child is born missing 48 parts, and is abandoned to a wizard who makes the child an artificial body. As an adult, the child seeks the demons who possess his body, determined to slay them and become whole. This is some pretty hardcore Japanese fantasy and new comers may find themselves overwhelmed by the sheer oddness of the story. Some of the effects are pretty cheesy, while others as good as anything coming out of Hollyweird. If you are in the mood for something really different, this may be your ticket. The action is fast and fairly brutal, but there is a lot of time spent developing the characters. The version I saw was subbed, so I'm sure things were lost in translation. All in all worth the effort.

Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

English humour strikes again. An ancient curse. A long forgotten bloodline. A forest full of hotties! Two blokes looking for a party!!! Oh damn, not only are they lesbians... they're vampires!!!!!!! >wah-waaaaaah<
Light English humour, silly situations, one liners, sight gags, double entendre, all run rampant in this silly, fast paced, and enjoyable flick. This would be a good opening DVD for a triple header.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010)

A slick fast paced action flick about a powerful artifact that could destroy time itself and the street urchin made prince that becomes the unlikely savior of the world. From the video game of the same name, the story is strong enough to stand on its own (actually after seeing the movie, I have no desire to play the game). This one has something to appeal to just about everyone. Fast and insane action choreography for the guys, romance and taut young Persian stallions for the gals, cool effects and a straight forward plot for the junkie. Good all around fun for everyone. Recommended.

The Crazies (2010)

A nice quiet town in Iowa is suddenly set upon by the military after people start going crazy. Sort of a cookie cutter set-up- there's an outbreak and the military swoops in to quarantine. Action is pretty fair, with enough gore and tension to slide this one into the horror category. Fans of Outbreak and Quarantine should enjoy.

Valkyrie (2008)

Its WWII and Hitler's madness has fueled several attempts on his life. Valkyrie is a dramatized version of the final failed coup against Hitler's Germany.
A lot of bad ink about this one, many students of the event felt Cruise's portrayal of the principle character to be lacking. Well, this may be so, but for the sake of watching a entertaining movie, it hardly matters. Its always interesting watching movies when you know beforehand how its going to turn out, Valkyrie does a great job of keeping you on the edge of your seat right up till the hat drops. This is an event driven, rather than character driven film, which means there isn't a whole lot of character development. So all in all, a good entertaining event, a bit on the serious side, so its for serious viewing... if you multi-task, you will find yourself wondering whats going on. Violence is minimal and gore non-existent. A nice easy way to enjoy a slice of near history.

Halloween II (2009)

Rob Zombie churns out his second Halloween movie. I thought Zombie's first Halloween remake was great. Given how the first one ended, and all the negative press I saw about this one, I wasn't in a real hurry to see it. Now I'm thinking this may be Zombie's most visionary film to date. That is not to say everyone will luv this film, quite the contrary. Fans of the original series may do well to give this a pass... people that never really cared for the sanitary slasher flick fad, needing more than eyes rolling and gallons of stage blood, this may be your ticket. This is far more nourishing to your intellect than previous slasher flicks. WARNING: there are scenes of brutality that go far beyond anything you may have seen prior. If you have ever actually wintnessed a stabbing or a serious assault, and are haunted by it, you may seriously want to think about taking a pass on this one. For me, I am very interested where Zombie will take us next.
I just realized the Halloween franchise is 30 years old. Well youngsters, this is the grand daddy slasher flick where it all started(the original). In a nutshell- a seemingly indestructable psycho with a fixation for stabbing things has come to town, amazingly stealthy for a 7 foot tall guy in work boots and a Captain Kirk mask, and is convinced you need to die.

The New Daughter (2009)

A single father moves into a new home near a mysterious mound where strange things happen. More of a thriller than a horror film, this is a fairly cookie cutter set-up with a little paleo flavor. Its nice to see the Costner character isn't a retard that stands around shaking his head saying 'its not real'. Not a bad watch overall, but not particularly good either. No cheat at the end which is nice. This is a burger king lunch because its whats close kind of movie.

Zombieland (2009)

In a world over-run by zombies, Twinkies are as hard to find as fat people. Humorous and set to the narration of an efficiency expert, we follow the exploits of four people on their journey to FunWorld in a zombie populated apocalypse. Mindless fun with a surprise cameo, this is a TV dinner style flick- fast and easy to watch. This is actually meant to be a comedy, so the gore factor is low but since zombies are involved, there is some. The American version of Shaun of the Dead. If you are looking for a comedy and aren't a fan of the genre, or your thighs don't burn for Woody Harrelson, be aware the humor is mostly dark and usually involves somebody losing a body part.

The Book of Eli (2010)

In a post apocalyptic world, Eli(Denzel Washington) finds himself tasked by God to deliver His word. This is a gloomy, violent, fast paced, action sci-fi film with overtones of divinity. Elements of 'The Road', and 'Road Warrior' are evident. Hard to get into too much detail with this one, as much of the films appeal is in revelation. I doubt Denzel will get accolades over this one, which is a shame because it seemed to me this role was especial poignant for him. Hard not to be touched in some fashion by this one. Saul on the road to Jerusalem. Highly Recommended.

High Plains Invaders (2009)

A remote town in the old west is overrun by space bugs!! This moderately cheesy, modestly budgeted, made for TV video isn't bad at all! A fresh idea parlayed into a fairly entertaining watch. There are gaffs a plenty to be sure, the most obvious being the selection of handguns (is that a Colt Python?). Character development is limited to leave room for the critters. Acting and dialogue is fair across the board, with standard TV CGI-FX. This is sort of Tremors meets Gunsmoke but with no deliberate humor. I especially liked the bounty hunter(in pic, on right)even though it seemed like they couldn't decide just how tough and ruthless to let her be.